くそぉー、too late　なんだよ、俺（泣）・・・

i feel like cryin cuz,
i noticed somethin......nd if my guess is correct....oh,shit im too late....:'(

well...
1.this girl i like say shez gonna go to the same college w/ me if she cant go to CA or UH...
2.this guy she knows is in CA....

isnt this an enough info?
she might go there to see him....
nd then wen she come back to here, she might be a real "mother"....
oh no...if that really happens then im WAY too late....＼(^o^)／im screwed!

thats all i wanted to share....
nd other more, i noticed that my "daughter" is startin to havin fun hurtin my feelinz....
i told her to stop it once....but shez kept on sayin somethin that makes me feel unpleasent...
she knows im easliy to be blue....so she say things like...
"daddy, you know mommy hates you"
"mommy loves me more than you daddy"
"mommy hates you"
"mommy doesnt like you at all"....:'(
those kind of things she tells me every time i see her....nd she usually say those things to me wen shez not around....so im startin to feel that i dont want to see her anymore....

sigh.....
idk why i feel so emotional too much these dayz....
i never felt emotional very often like these dayz before....
idk whats wrong w/ me....idk whats goin on w/ me....i still feel dizzy....
i still feel my body is numb....infront of her idk wat to do know....i had plans in my mind but when ever i see her those plans just disappers like snow melt....
wen ever i see her online makes me happy but makes me sad at the same time cuz she doesnt really answer me nd just leaves....


am i goin crazy?
am i crazy?
wat am i?
why do i feel like this?
i want to ask her questions but if i do that she will hate me more...
is she avoidin me?
did i do somethin wrong?
idk wat i did, how can i make her feel better?
does it have to do w/ other guyz?
if i give her a misltoe she would not accept it, nd she would not going to be close to me
but if other guyz gives her a misltoe would she smile nd accept them?
im too counfused, i feel like cryin, idk wat to do....

is this wat the fuckin christ does to me?
now i know that the fuckin christ is a cunt that hates me out of his guts.....
its like you fuckin christ is blockin my way again...
wen ever i go to church, i always look towards that fuckin cunt nd tell that cunt,
how much i hate nd how much i would love to kill you....
screw the heaven nd hell, both of that should just go disapper to nothin....
it doesnt exist, it never did...

jesus christ?
screw that old fake shit, you know it wasnt real....
it was just some idiots novel, planed to make more money...
budda?
screw that old bastards w/ too many arms nd faces...
you know thats just a mutated person that was born in asia
nd just was too talented asians started to think it was a god...
etc?
screw that old fuckers, theres too many of you fuckers in the word...
if they do really exist then they should just kill each other till it becomes just one...

but no, that wont happen cuz their not real.....
i feel sorry for pplz who lost their family, but i feel that their all stupid that they believe in heavens nd hells....


ugh....
screw this fuckin world....
screw the destiny, it justs gives me plain old fuckin nothin for good shitz....
they rarely gives me somethin worthy, but soon after they give me somethin worthy,
they give me something even worst shitty shits ever.......